I Have Feelings Too
by otaku22
Summary: Mai, the tough girl tells of her inside feelings of depression and Joey Wheeler.
1. Preview!

A/N: okay this story started out based kind of on me, but I changed a lot of it on me. The plot idea is still the same; I thought of it one night and like it. I'm most like Mai from the show, as I'm the only girl duelist I know. And I was thinking people think I'm this hard exterior person when they see me, but I'm really not inside. So I thought to apply it to Mai. THEN I thought to add in a little Joey thing and make it a romance. Which is easy too cause the guy I have a crush on is short and quiet and most girls wouldn't really think to look twice at him. Figures, me who everyone thinks is a tough Goth girl has to like him, god…well that's where the self-hate comes in. Wow I'm really rambling. Just wanted to explain my thought process. So maybe you'll appreciate the story more and learn something about me! Like you care…actually some stuff is like me and some isn't so you won't really know…Rambling, right? Okay well this is just a preview and I wanted to know how everyone liked it, should I continue, all that fun stuff. DON'T YELL AT ME FOR IT BEING SHORT! It's called a PREVIEW! So help me out here and give me some ideas, or tell me you hate it either one. Shutting up now…. oh yes and it's Mai's Point of view.

* * *

**I have feelings too**

Preview 

**Mai's P.O.V.**

I sit in my room; my mascara runs down my face.

"I am so weak!" I cry to myself, punishing myself as I lie face down on my bed, muffling my cries. I live in a small apartment by myself, but I am sure even the smallest noise will send a whole army to my door to see what is the matter with tough girl Mai.

I try to sort out my thoughts, and figure out why I am crying in the first place. I can't remember. I crawl under the covers of my dark purple bedspread and cry myself to sleep.

* * *

"Hey Mai!" Someone calls behind me. I turn my head nonchalantly to see Duke. I smirk. He will never let up. Ever since Serenity had started seriously dating Kaiba, the bastard, Duke had turned his unrequited attentions to me. I will only admit to myself that I somewhat like his flattering nature, but I am only interested in one, and his name is not Duke Devlin.

"Yes, Devlin?" I call. He walks up, flipping his hair in an attempt to impress me. He has not yet learned that being vain isn't a way to a girl's heart.

"I was wondering if-" He started, before I rudely interrupt him.

"Sorry Devlin, same answer as always." I reply, and with that I hike my bag higher on my shoulder and saunter off to my next class, art. For school, this isn't a bad class, as we never have homework, and I don't have to listen to some teacher talk my ear off for a whole hour. I take this class mostly for this purpose.

All my classes are somewhat scattered, as professional duelists don't need an education. I don't know why I stick in school. It might be that I have nothing better to do, or it might be a certain blond haired reason. I look around, suspicious that someone might know who I'm talking about and laugh.

I don't know when or why I first noticed him. We'd been friends for a while, but when I turned around, I realized I had fallen for him. I can actually pinpoint the day, he gave me this spectacular smile, and I've started noticing little things about him. The way he dresses for example, and the way he will do anything for his friends is so sweet. Agh! There I go getting all mushy again. That happens nowadays waaay too often for my liking. I slam my fist on the table.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" I yell at the nearest person, who scurries off to get more paint. I smirk. I like the effect I have on people. It makes me feel powerful, even though inside I know I'm weak. This I know for a fact.

Those that are powerful don't fall for people like Joey Wheeler.

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A/N: I wanted to end it there; it just seemed like an ending sentence. Plus I was tired, and my green day cd had just ended. So leave me a little note called a review and I'll be happy, even if I don't get the new 9 Inch Nails cd next weekend…sigh…Trent Reznor is so hot…well I like the music too obviously. RAMBLING k I'll be quiet. Just skip to the bottom now if you don't feel like hearing me talk. Well I'm gonna be quiet now anyway cause I have to go. Bye! (Whispering) don't forget to review! 


	2. Avoidance

A/N: wow, this story got 8 reviews already and it only has one dinky chapter. Compared to my sucky Fruits Basket fic, which has 8 reviews and 3 chapters. I hate that fic so much; I'm probably taking it down. Well, never mind about that. I wanted to assure all of you that I have a couple ideas floating around in my head with what to do with the fic. Ah, earth science, my brainstorming time of the day! So I just have to put it into words. Oh, and bear with me, I can't get Joey right at all. Tips on that will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!  
DarkAngel4u – first review of this story award goes to you! lol and thanks! Starinthenight – I only have one thing to say to you. Update! 

**sweetNaughtylittleangelgirl485**** – **okay I'll check it out when my internet is being a little more cooperative. I'll send you a review to let you know when I read it!

**Purple-dragon-123 – **sorry, used to swearing. You see the good side of me since I can't swear on neopets….

**Kittyge – **yep me too. She doesn't get recognized enough with fics, even though I think she's one of the more complicated characters.

**DreammistressJade – **yeah I think it definitely applies to everyone, because everyone gets lonely and has someone inside that they're afraid to show other people. A lot of fics on fanfiction people can't relate too, (even though I love 'em) and I wanted to try this out.

**Reviewer – **oh yeah, I'm definitely venting here. And don't worry, I'll do more description, as that was just a preview, I just wanted to get it submitted to see people's reactions. I liked your review though; thought out reviews are always very much appreciated by me. Thanks!

**MasterBrattan** – thanks and don't forget to review again! SusArackAhack – Nah, not a Seto/Serenity fic (I can hear you sighing in relief) lol don't worry its not mentioned much, sorry I wrote this chappie before getting your review, I hope there's not too much…

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**I have Feelings Too**

Avoidance

_Monday _

I bore my eyes into the back of the head of the dimwit that sits in front of me. Math is so boring I could kill something. Poor fly, you landed in my way. Gross, fly guts on my hand. I shake my hand to rid myself of the disgusting mess.

"Miss Valentine?" I hear the teacher call me, thinking I actually raised my hand for a question. She must really be desperate today.

"I don't know, nor do I care." I say, going back to scraping the intestines of the deceased off myself.

"Miss Valentine…" She repeats in a warning tone.

"What do you want?" I ask, annoyed that she has bothered me. Can't she see that I have a little crisis on my hands? And I mean literally.

Ten minutes later I find myself in the principals, for 'back talking' the teacher. Whatever. Not like this hasn't happened before. Besides, what are they gonna do to me? Tell my parents? Boo hoo, but in case they hadn't noticed, I have no one that actually cares about me like that. To put it frankly, I have no one at all. It's me, myself, and I. Sometimes I think that's my problem.

"Yo Mai!" Someone walks into the office, and I recognize the voice. Of course I know who it belongs to, how many nights I dream, wishing the same voice would softly whisper in my ear…

"Hey Joey." I say, trying to keep my voice straight and even. I think it works.

"What are you in for dis time?" he asks, taking a seat next to me. His presence being so close I almost lose control of myself. I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks, as he had been on a vacation with Serenity. They had to figure out a whole bunch of sibling things after Serenity publicly announced Kaiba was her boyfriend. I feel bad for Joey, imaging Serenity with Kaiba must be terrible.

"I might ask you the same question." I retort, wondering why my voice came out that way. Trying to cover up my feelings is one thing, being mean is another.

"Bad mood, huh. K, I can live with that." Joey says, and I feel terrible. I don't want to say sorry or something though; I mean I do have a reputation to live up to.

"I hate this place." I say leaning back in my chair as I accidentally let a pent-up sigh escape my lips. Joey turns to look at me strangely, but doesn't say anything. We sit there in silence for a couple minutes, me trying desperately not to reach over and hug him just cause he looks so huggable at the moment, having a great tan from spending his vacations on the beach…wait that gets me to thinking about him in a bathing suit…no shirt….NO! I close my eyes, to get that bad thought out of my head, and trying to keep the color on my face normal. Luckily (for the circumstances that is) the principal comes in demanding to see me in his office. NOW.

"Later." I say to Joey as I get up.

"I'll wait." Joey says, and my heart seems to skip a beat. No, he couldn't like me; I try to tell myself, not wanting to set myself up for disappointment. It is hard though, I've been dreaming of this since I first admitted to myself that I liked him. The stupid principal drags me out of my thoughts as he motions for me to sit in a chair. I sit on the desk, just to defy him. He doesn't say anything at first, and then he goes into this whole lecture in a monotone voice, like I haven't heard it ten million times before. Nobody forces me to do something I don't want to do (listen to a lecture, for example), so I focus myself on the Joey issue for the next half hour. I literally jump off the desk when he says with a reproachful look that I may go. I walk into the waiting room (makes me think of a doctors office), and what do I see?

NO ONE.

Not a single freaking soul in the whole damn room. I blink, and then automatically yell at myself inside for being so stupid as to actually believe that he would wait for me. Didn't I impress it into his head that I care about no one? Those battle city duels I made it real clear to everyone that I didn't need anyone to succeed. That was back when I was still stupid. Of course I need someone, what was I thinking? I don't need just anyone, I need Joey. I don't like this feeling of neediness. I should only need myself.

That's when I made my decision.

I had to stop loving Joey. It had been almost a year now I continued with my torture of unrequited love and now it seemed clear to me that he obviously didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him. We could still be friends, we would be friends. But first, I had to avoid him until I stopped liking him.

* * *

_Tuesday_

I wake up the next morning, ready to put my plan into action. It won't be that hard. I usually gave Serenity and Joey rides to school, but seeing as Serenity gets rides in Kaiba's limo now, Joey probably will too. Yeah right. Joey and Kaiba do not mix. But it's a nice, tidy little cover up for not picking Joey up like I should. It doesn't make me feel better in the least. I shove that from my mind and try to concentrate on the homework I'm doing during class.

* * *

_Friday_

I haven't seen Joey all week. It pains me, but I think that this must be how smokers must feel when going cold turkey. I'm hungry now. I eat a cold turkey sandwich and think some more. I've been in my own world so much lately. It's like an extension on Joey's vacation, and I'm crying so much more now. Last night I gave myself too many sleeping pills and passed out. Such a bad headache. I rub my forehead and decide its time for a relaxing bath, when my cell phone rings. I listen to the song for a second, before picking up.

"What do you want?" I answer, automatically passing on my bad mood to whoever is on the other end.

"Hi Mai, it's Serenity!" Serenity said in her perky voice. If there's one emotion I can recognize, its jealousy. I admit I'm jealous of Serenity. She has it all: brains, beauty, caring friends and brother, and not to mention a boyfriend who loves her. However, it's hard not to like Serenity. She's so sweet I can see how even Kaiba couldn't resist her. Me on the other hand, there's really no hope for. I'm not sweet or anything. I laugh at this preposterous thought. Anyway, Serenity and I are pretty good friends, as my friends come. Not close enough to tell her I love her brother though. Then I remember Serenity's on the phone, as she starts talking, ignoring my little outburst.

"Um, I was talking to Joey today…" I tune her out for a second to think that this is a bad sign. I tune her back in. "…thought you have been avoiding him. He said not to tell you, but I wanted to know if you were keeping something from me." Serenity continues in her quiet, soothing voice.

I want to tell her everything, how I (still) love her brother, about my plan, and how it wasn't working but instead sending me into a rut of depression that I can't for the life of me dig myself out of. Of course I don't tell her any of this. I don't want to lie to her, but I have to, otherwise everyone will know what a fool I really am.

"Well, you guys just got back, and I'm not really used to having you around again." I hear myself explain, wondering how I could think that Serenity would be stupid enough to buy this. She doesn't.

"Mai, I know when something's bothering you. We've been friends since I had my operation and met you. Please, if you want to talk, call me. Kaiba's taking me out to dinner now, so I have to run." She continues, and I can hear the smile in her voice. A silent tear rolls down my cheek as I wonder what it would be like if I could say in that carefree voice that Joey was taking me out to dinner. I angrily brush it away.

"Later." I say in a dead voice, and hang up, not waiting for her reply. I think that if I can continue for a few more weeks then I will stop liking Joey and everything will be back to normal.

A couple minutes later, my phone rings again. I contemplate whether to pick it up, but then my curiosity takes over and I'm answering the phone.

"What?" I say, trying to keep my voice emotionless.

"Mai, it's me." I hear Joey say. I don't know what to do! Should I say something, and act like everything's fine? Should I tell him to get lost? No that would be mean? When have I ever had a problem being mean? Something ruptures in my skull and I close the phone. I can't deal with it.

The phone rings again, obviously. I can't resist a small smile. Joey always was persistent. I let the phone do the dirty work for me, and take a message.

"Look Mai, I don' know wat's wrong wit ya, but will ya please tell it to ma face? Or else I'm gonna have ta come ova der and shake it out o ya." He says, in that adorable Brooklyn accent. I automatically lean my head closer to the phone, just wanting to be near his voice.

"I'm sorry for whateva I did, if I can rememba…just call me willya? Bye." Click. I curse myself inside; why am I doing this? Then I remember back to when I first met the whole gang.

(A/N: I don't know if this is exactly how it happened, I never saw that episode, but I'm hoping none of you saw it too, so we're all in the same boat, no pun intended. Wow that was lame. K, on with the story.)

_I was independent back then, well I guess I still am now, except for that stupid needing feeling I get. _

_I was standing on the boat, staring at the water, when these two guys walk up to me. One was short and puny with weird hair. The other was taller, but still looked like a dweeb to me at the time. They wanted to get to know me, as I was another duelist they would have to compete with at duelist kingdom. I was bored, and figured what the hell they can entertain me for a little while, though they better not be looking for friendship. I don't need friends. _

_After we had introduced ourselves, the conversation turned to why we were dueling. Joey explained how he needed to win to get the money for his sister's operation. _

"_I duel for myself." I had said, just a tad haughtily. _

They did want to be friends, and eventually we were. I want it to go back to that way, just friends. Everything else is too complicated, and if I tell Joey how I feel, it might ruin things. Because as much as I hate to admit it, I do need other people. I found that out the hard way.

* * *

A/N: short, I know. I can't get into the whole super long chapter thing. Probably because I have a VERY short attention span. I'm not kidding, I speed read thru half of the stuff I read. If that has anything to do with it……….see there I go again off on a tangent. Well this chapter would have been up sooner if it hadn't been for my evil internet. Screw DSL. As I write this, it will not cooperate even though I've restarted the computer five MILLION times, and reset the internet connections, still it says: "Page Cannot be displayed." God, I wanna kill that thing! Well don't forget to review. 


	3. Singing and a Midnight Escapade

A/N: This chapter is written in a slightly different style than my last two. The other style got kind of hard to express things, so tell me which you like better. Also, I'm adding another pairing; I hope you don't kill me once you find out who it is. Tough luck, I've wanted to write this pairing forever. Oh yeah, and the Yamis are separated from their hikaris in this story. Forgot to mention that.

**Starinthenight – **thanks! And I'm honored to be on your favorites list as well!

**Dreammistress Jade – **yeah, I'm not going to follow the show, since I don't really watch it anymore…and I don't know if I'll update Complete Chaos soon. I can't think of any pairings that I like and I can't play Tohru. She's too perky and innocent!

**M-gurl – **um…thanks.

**Vaporeon13204 – **yes, yes, and a very intricate web it is too…

**Leela's Back – **I doubt you'll even read this, but it feels good to yell at someone like you yelled at me. One, I forgot to explain that Mai had failed a grade due to her traveling from tournament to tournament, so she's in her last year of high school. And I never said Mai was based on me, I said the basic plot was based on me, if you read it. I would never yell at people, I'm not like that. And even though I got a 4/10 from you, hey at least I did 4 things right. Besides,I really don't care about your opinion.

**Kittyge – **Thank you so much! I hope to keep in character as Mai, but I don't know if I'm doing that good a job. Let me know!

**KujakuValentine – **That is probably the most touching review I've ever gotten. Thanks! I don't really do the whole corset thing or have long blonde hair (short and brown/purple) but I love to wear skirts and boots. Plus at a tournament I went to, I was the oldest there, and also the only girl. So they all thought I was Mai. It was funny. The email didn't show up but I got it from your info page or whatever…and I won't hesitate to email in a time of loneliness. :)

**Bad – **My Internet seems to be working better now. Yay. And thank you, I hope you like the new chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh, Baby Spice (thank god) or "My Immortal" the wonderful band Evanescence has all the rights to that.

**Special Note: I forgot to say that this is set when everyone is in their senior year of high school. Except for Serenity, who is 16. Mai is around 20 and the rest are 18. Mai failed a grade because she was absent too much due to dueling tournaments. If you don't like it, too bad. **

**I have Feelings Too**

Singing and a Midnight Escapade 

It was into the second week of my plan. I think if I can hold out for a little longer, I might be cured. It's so weird to think of my love for Joey as a sickness, but it is, to me. I can't live with it, can't live without it. It filled me every moment of my waking conscience, and my dreams were filled with his face. Every time I glimpse him opens a new wound, for I know he can never love me. He has a girlfriend now. I don't know what her name is, nor do I want to. It will hurt me more. If she stays unknown, then I feel better for some reason. She's probably some nice, sweet girl who adores his every step. That's not my style.

It was during this time that I discovered something that made me happy, or at least it took my mind of the constant subject of Joey.

I was walking by a music store after my car had broken down. I wondered how I would ever pay for what needed to be fixed. I needed a job. I was looking down, and walked right into the back of someone.

"Hey wait your turn in line! We all want this!" The preppy freak screamed at me, and then smoothed her hair, as if afraid her outburst had ruined it.

"What hell are you talking about bitch?" I said, putting my hands on my hips.

"Who are you calling bitch, bitch?" she screamed, contorting her makeup-covered face into an ugly image. "And you don't even know what this is for? Its auditions for a deal with the top record producers. And you better not even be hoping to beat me because me because Hilary beats everyone." Hilary flicked her hair in my face, sneering at me.

That closed the deal for me. I would at least try to beat her. She had gotten on my last nerve.

"We'll see about that. Bitch." I added as an afterthought, smiling to myself as she went into another self-induced fit.

I had never sung anything before. I should actually say I hadn't sung anything recently. When I was little I loved to sing for my parents. They said I had a beautiful voice, I remember. I didn't want to show this Hilary chick what I could do, so I kept my mouth shut, wondering what I would have to sing.

When the line finally got to Hilary, she flicked her waist long hair in my face with a condescending look. "Sorry, but no use waiting around." She said. I peered around her as she disappeared, to watch her. She answered all questions with a perky voice that dripped with fake sweetness. If only the judges could see her side that she showed those she didn't like. I wondered vaguely if she was bipolar. Nah, just another girl who has her bitch side and her sweet side. I'm such a mix of both that it doesn't show that much.

When they noticed that I was looking ahead at the competition, they slammed the door in my face, the auditions sign on the door swinging in my face. I leaned back, and waited. I didn't really care to hear Hilary anyway.

About ten minutes later, a short, mousy man came and opened the door.

"Come in. What is your name? Full name, please." He said, shuffling over to a desk under a window. Sitting next to him was the spitting image of a spoiled pop star. She had straight, blonde hair that was tied in to pig tails on the sides of her head. She chomped hard on a huge wad of gum, blowing bubbles occasionally. I wondered if she was going for the Baby Spice look. I shuddered involuntarily. After I was interrogated thoroughly by the odd duo, they let me choose a song to sing. I looked thru the selection of songs. There weren't any that I liked.

"Is it okay with you two if I sing my own song?" I asked.

"Fine, fine whatever." The mousy man waved his hand at me.

I mentally turned through a Rolodex of songs in my mind, the titles flipping thru my brain and the interesting ones popping up and fighting to be chosen. I picked a song that I had heard not too long ago on the radio. I didn't buy cds, but lately I was getting more into music.

The man snapped his fingers. "Come on, we don't have all day." He said, bringing me out of my reverie.

I took a deep breath and let the words pour out of me.

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave_

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

The emotion inside me began to build as I thought of how these words were true for me. Subconsciously, I had picked this song for reasons other that I had heard it and could remember the words. I had identified with it, and chosen it for the reason that my subconscious brain hoped I would figure myself out and maybe feel better. I doubted that this would work, but took a bigger breath and kept singing.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have _

_All of me..._

I fought to control myself as my head swam with thoughts that I could not control. I had to finish before I broke down completely. I pretended that was the end of the song. The two were quiet as I walked out of the building. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. Not that I really cared if I got the stupid job. I had gotten more out of it than that. I found that I loved to sing. I could even write my own songs. I had enough feelings inside me to scratch something up. I held my head high for the first time in months as I thought of all the possibilities.

Later that night, I sat in my small, recently neglected apartment, and sung a few stanzas to myself. I had bought the Evanescence cd, as the haunting tones and sorrowful lyrics calmed me for some reason. True, I cried a lot that night, music can do that to me, I found. But tears can sometimes soothe broken feelings.

What was I talking about? I must've overdosed on something again; Mai Valentine isn't supposed to be thinking about feelings. She is supposed to be obsessed with dueling, independent, and tough. I am reduced to a weeping, pathetic individual sobbing over some boy. True, said boy was funny, caring, had the most adorable accent, and…I fell asleep thinking of Joey Wheeler. So much for the dueling, tough Mai.

* * *

The next day, my spirits were slightly lifted from my cry-fest the night before. Although I can't say I was bouncing off the walls with happiness, I actually talked with some people nicely. Towards the end of the day, something happened to raise my spirits even more, though after closer examining, I began to feel slightly different towards the matter.

Serenity came running up to me waving something in her hands. It looked like a short piece of paper.

"Mai, Mai!" she called, coming up to me, breathless.

"Hey!" I said, wondering what was up now. I hadn't talked to Serenity in a while. She had been kind of preoccupied with Kaiba lately; I think it is his birthday soon. She might be planning some kind of surprise party, but I can't remember.

"I haven't seen you in a while!" she said, regaining her breath. "I was thinking, well, you seem a little down lately-" Wow, she noticed? I thought I had done a fairly well job of keeping it on the DL. "-anyway, I got these and I was hoping we could go together! Maybe it'd cheer you up." Serenity said, proudly holding up the short stubs of paper in front of my face.

I backed up slightly to see what it read. I gasped. Concert tickets! In the front row nonetheless! It was a bunch of different bands and singers, but the one that stood out to me was Evanescence. The band whose song I had sung, making me feel so much better. The other bands didn't matter; they were probably bands Serenity liked or something. "How did you…?" I sputtered, still comprehending in my mind.

"Kaiba has connections of course!" Serenity said with a tinkling laugh that somehow annoyed me. I was immediately disgusted with myself; who was I to be jealous of her happiness? She deserved love far more than me. I spoke to stop my thoughts from getting out of control.

"Is he coming?" I asked nonchalantly, acting as if I didn't care, but in truth, I cared very much. If he came, I would be a third wheel, standing watching as Kaiba stroked her auburn hair, and Serenity giggled her pretty little laugh.

"Well no, he's not much into the whole music thing. Plus, I thought it could just be a girl's night out." Serenity said with a hopeful smile at me.

"I'd love that." I said sincerely, with a genuine smile. This was the best thing to happen all week, no, all month! "Would you like a ride?" I said, almost without thinking. Immediately I kicked myself mentally. Hello – Joey!

"Sure." She said, and we started to walk over to the car. What about Joey? I don't say anything out loud, but she can sense something change in my manner, some questioning feeling that she sensed.

"Joey's with um..well are you still mad at him?" she asked tentatively. I get into the car with a sigh.

"I'm not mad at him." I said, though not convincing anyone, least of all myself.

She doesn't say anything, and I pull out of the parking lot, slightly annoyed. How I want to tell her what turmoil has been going on lately, trapped in my mind. If she asked a little more, I would have told her, but she keeps silent on the subject, talking about trivial things, such as what tests threw off her A average. I didn't reminder her that I had failed a grade due to traveling from tournament to tournament.

I drop her off at the apartment she shares with Joey. "Serenity? If you need a ride, I can pick you up tomorrow morning…" I said, again on the spur of the moment, forgetting Joey.

"I'd love to, but Mai, I'm staying at Seto's tonight, it's his birthday and we're having a little dinner." She said, twisting her jacket in her hands as she gets out of the car.

"Don't worry about it." I said, a little of my old nature coming back. I think of her staying at Kaiba's. I wonder if they have…okay bad image. "Have fun with Kaiba!" I wink largely as I drive off, leaving a blushing Serenity behind. I grin to myself and I almost feel normal.

* * *

_3rd Person P.O.V._

Bakura sat on the side of his hikaris bed, watching the moonlight shimmer on Ryou's white hair. He sighed and stared at the ceiling. It had been a few months since he realized that he was gay, in love with his lighter half. Do you think this is easy for a 5000-year-old tomb robber to accept? No way. He had been trying to ignore it, but they live together. Obviously, it was getting a little harder to avoid.

He didn't want to tell Ryou; that would surely be a death sentence! Well, not literally of course, Ryou wouldn't kill a fly. Bakura smirked at the thought. But Ryou of course wouldn't be gay, and certainly wouldn't even think of Bakura if he were. They were complete opposites, but it was Ryou's innocent cuteness that was attractive to Bakura.

Bakura got up, closing Ryou's door and going into their small kitchen. They lived had lived in a 2-bedroom apartment ever since their souls were separated and they were able to have their own bodies. That was about half a year ago. Their apartment was pretty clean for two teenage boys living there; Ryou liked it that way. If it were up to Bakura, the whole place would be covered with an unidentified mass of clothes, food and other stuff.

Bakura sat down on the couch, holding the remote in his hand but not seeing anything around him. He needed help. He debated who to go to, he had been debating this for a while.

Yami or Yugi, no, he couldn't ask them for help, especially on such an embarrassing matter. The pharaoh and the tomb robber were enemies by nature, now was no time to change that.

'Joey, hm…no, he doesn't seem the type to talk to. And Tristan and Duke are just stupid.' He thought to himself, closing his eyes. 'Malik and Marik, well, they are just insane and won't sit calm down. As opposed to my calm insanity.' Bakura chuckled in spite of his situation.

'That leaves Serenity, Tea and Mai. Maybe girls would be easier to talk to. Though no way I'm even considering stupid-ass friendship girl.' Bakura said.

"Mai." He said aloud, getting up quickly, as though the very couch had electrocuted him. "She's on the tough side, like me, and well, you never know." He said, trying to reassure himself about his choice. "It'll be okay." He said, breathing out.

He threw on a long black, leather trench coat and stepped out of the apartment, closing the door softly so as not to wake Ryou. He had changed his wardrobe from the striped white and blue t-shirt and faded jeans he had to wear when he was sharing Ryou's body. He preferred black and chains; his new clothes highlighted his shockingly white hair. Currently, he was only clad in leather pants, black chain adorned boots, and the trench coat he had just thrown on.

He walked to Mai's; it wasn't far. When he reached her apartment building, he remembered that he still had a little problem: he didn't know her apartment number and he was locked out of the building. Only one thing to do…

Five minutes later, he was climbing the unstable fire escape ladder up the seven story building, telling himself over and over again not to look down. Now Bakura wasn't the type to get scared easily, and if he was a normal, sane person, of course he wouldn't be attempting the stunt he was trying to pull of now. But we all know that Yami Bakura is FAR from sane, he's on the complete other end of the spectrum! After ten more minutes of scrambling around, he managed to locate a window with purple curtains.

"Got you." Bakura said under his breath, swiping aside the lavender curtains.

What he found was not Mai Valentine's room; it in fact belonged to an old lady by the name of Mrs. Timutus. He knew at once that he was peering into the wrong room; the smell of musty perfume was overwhelming. A bad decision on Bakura's part made him look around the room, maybe for something to steal. What his eyes found however, was not a priceless item or valuable jewelry. It was the old lady's figure lying on the bed. It was a hot night and she had decided to sleep without her usual nightgown.

"AH MY EYES!" Bakura cried, reeling backwards, trying hard to keep down the vomit rising in his throat.

He gagged, and ran up the stairs to the next floor, the top. His boot chain got caught in his haste, and he was thrown backwards on the grating. He stared at the indigo sky, wondering why, why had he undertaken such a pointless mission. Then he remembered Ryou's sleeping face, and got up, disgruntled, but not ready to give up yet.

He found another set of purple curtains, and, more warily this time, opened them a peek, bracing his eyes for another frightful sight. Luckily, there was no one in the room, but he was sure that the room belonged to Mai. Dark purple was everywhere, along with some black.

He couldn't help thinking, 'She has good taste, for a girl that is.'

He climbed through the window, not too gracefully, falling with a thud on the ground.

* * *

_Mai's P.O.V. _

I wake up from my slumbering position on my couch to a loud noise in my bedroom. I jump up, and thinking it's a burglar, I run in there, hoping to kick him where it hurts with my boots. I stupidly don't bother to see who it is, before I carry out my plan, earning a yelp of pain from the intruder. I look down to where he has fallen to the floor with a satisfied grin on my face.

When I see who the intruder is, the grin is quickly wiped from my face.

"Bakura? What the hell are you doing here?" I ask, standing over him with my hands planted firmly on my hips. Needless to say, I'm not too excited about my midnight visitor. Now if it were Joey, that would be a different story…But it isn't.

Bakura has now picked himself up off the floor, trying to retain some of his dignity.

"What do you want?" I demand, aggravated that he interrupted my much-needed sleep.

Bakura shuffles his feet, and I notice that he doesn't look as intimidating as usual. I wonder what this is all about, and motion for him to follow me into the kitchen.

"Do you want anything to eat?" I ask, in spite of myself.

"Not hungry." Bakura says, sinking into a chair. "I came here to…ask for your help." He says through gritted teeth, as though this is killing him. It probably is.

"Really?" I say, making myself a glass of iced coffee. From the looks of Bakura, I can tell I'm going to need something to keep me up for a while. Better living through drugs. I take a sip and wait for him to continue.

Bakura sighs and says, "Look, you know I'd never come to you unless I had a real problem, right?" I nod. He continues, "Well, I have a real problem. But you can NOT tell anyone."

"Yeah, yeah fine. Get on with it." I say, unfazed, but getting more curious by the minute. What could possibly have happened? Did he steal something big? Did he-gulp- kill someone?

Bakura's low voice brings me back to reality. "I'm-" He strains, as if whatever he has to say is the end of the world.

"You're what?" I prompt, drinking some more coffee. He is really trying my patience here…

"Gay." He says in a small voice, fingering his leather coat. There is dead silence, as I think over what to say, keeping my shock inside me. I would have never guessed. Well, at least he won't get in trouble, though from the looks of him, Bakura looks like he'd rather be dead than here confessing his sexual orientation to me. And, what puzzled me more was why me? Why wouldn't he have talked to the closest thing he has to a friend-Ryou?

"Why did you come to me?" I say. So much for tact. "What about Ryou?" I continue. Might as well, I'm on a roll here.

"That's the other part of my problem." He says in a depressive voice. I'm beginning to get worried.

"What happened to Ryou?" I ask, trying to keep the concern out of my voice. True, I'm not close to any of the gang, well maybe Serenity, but Ryou isn't really on my radar. But I know everyone else would be torn if something happened to the little British twerp.

"Nothing happened to him." Bakura says, with what might be a smile on anyone else's face.

"So then, why didn't you talk to him? You guys live together for god's sake!" I exclaim, getting up to make myself some more coffee. "You want some?" I ask, and Bakura shrugs. I take that as a yes.

He's making lines in my table, and I don't have the heart to stop him. What was going on? "I think I…I think I…Dammit!" Bakura gets up suddenly, banging his fist on the table. "I love my stupid hikari, and I'm going goddamn insane!" He yells forcefully. "You happy now?" He asks, his dark eyes flashing.

My eyes widen against my will. I sit down with my second cup of iced coffee, unloading my usual amount of sugar and milk into the glass. I slide his black coffee over to him, and he drains it in a gulp. I watch him, wondering how he can possibly drink that liquid death without loads of sugar and milk. To each his own.

"One, you're already insane, so give that one up. And two, I think you should talk to Ryou." I suggest, hoping to get him out of my kitchen. The situation is getting uncomfortably out of my hands. I can't deal with my own love life, let alone Bakura's homosexual one.

"Are you crazy?" He demands, his voice rising. "You have no idea what I went through to talk to you and I want your help! It's already hard enough, what do you want to do, kill me?" He asks, going over to the full pot of coffee and consuming it in ten short seconds. He slams it down, a wild look in his eyes. Great, now he's gotten high off coffee. Just what I need at one A.M.

"Okay, you know what Bakura?" I say, holding my ground. "You go home, and I'll think of something. You know where to find me. Obviously." I say, still a little sore that he woke me up. I start to push him to the door. He turns around, a sad little look on his face. It jolts me; I'd never seen such a pathetic look on his face before. He must be desperate. But I will think of something. I can't help myself, but maybe I can help someone else get the one they love. I smile slightly, looking for Bakura, but he is already gone. My purple curtains rustle as a dark shape leaves them. I can't help laughing.

It has been one hell of a night.

* * *

A/N: I don't usually like fanfics with songs in them, I think that it takes away from the writing and its just taking someone else's words and using them to fill up space for what you couldn't come up with to write. But what I used wasn't very much, and actually fit into the context. She was singing it. It fit. Or at least I think so. Tell me what you think. Some fanfics just stick lyrics in there for no point at all. I think we've all read one of those. Yes, raise your hands…okay well tell me if I should have more of her singing lyrics, or just have what she's thinking while singing. And I'll abide by your wishes! Don't forget to review! 


	4. A Shakespearian Partnership

A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long. I wasn't sure as to where this fic was going, but now I'm sure. I'm not going to say anything about it, just that I have the last chapter written out in my mind, and I know exactly what's going to happen. But it'll be complicated to work around what I've already written. So bear with me, and tell me if something's too confusing. Because sometimes what I think in my head and what I write on paper are two completely different things, and don't work the way I wanted them to.

Special Thanks to: Breanna, my beta and the best role-player ever! Yayyyy!

**I Have Feelings Too**

A Shakespearian Partnership

I wake up the next morning with a headache. This was the inevitable effect of having coffee at one in the morning. I was too wired to go to bed and ended up pacing, writing some lyrics, and pondering over both my problem, and Bakura's.

The only thing I had come up with was to talk to Ryou _myself_ to see if I could weasel out how he felt about his Yami. But that would be more than awkward, and he would automatically guess that something was up. I never talked to him and if I randomly started asking him about his most personal feelings, one of two things would happen. One, he'd look at me as if I had two heads and walk away. Or two, he'd look really uncomfortable until someone saved him from the situation, or I rattled it out of him. I highly doubted that the second scenario would happen, so I gave up on that idea.

An idea popped into my head that told me I should befriend him and _then_ as him, but that would be way too much work for me. And for what? It wasn't like I was getting paid for this; there was absolutely nothing in it for me.

I frown. Why _was_ I wasting my time on _Bakura's _problem? I was really becoming too soft for my own good. Actually, that wasn't true. I'm still the same Mai; I've just…changed a bit. And hey, change can be good, right? As long as it's not too drastic. So far, the only one that's noticed that something is up has been Serenity. And she would be the closest thing I have to a friend.

Hey…maybe I could get _Serenity_ to ask Ryou! They talk…kind of…I think…? Well, they're both fairly quiet so they probably are at least on each other's radar. I reminded myself to ask Serenity what she thought of Ryou next time we talked.

I dressed as I thought about these various dilemmas, putting on my traditional short purple skirt and white corset. This outfit made me feel sexy, and in control, which I needed lately. Because I certainly hadn't been feeling in control of myself, or my emotions. It was weird; sometimes I almost didn't know myself anymore. I put on my makeup, adding more eyeliner than was probably needed, but I didn't care. After my boots were slipped on, I was ready to go.

I walk out the door feeling a bit more in control. By the time I had gotten into my car and turned my music loud, I feel almost like I could live through this day without major breakdown. Driving through the streets was a bit like therapy for me; I didn't have to concentrate and could just think about things while I got looks from numerous guys. I was used to this; the way I dressed attracted a lot of attention. Although not from the person I wanted to attract attention from, unfortunately. I smirk and wink at the latest victim who has almost run into a parked car as he tries to look cool for me.

I can't remember how I got this way: able to flirt with everyone but the one I really want. It was just something about him. I can act myself, but can't convey that I like him as more than a friend. Well, I don't want to do that; I'm far too afraid of rejection. Though with all the boys practically lining up to date me, there shouldn't be a problem, right? But they're just not Joey. And that was not meant to sound conceited, by the way. It's just the way things are.

I'm not going to lie and say that I don't like the attention that comes with all the stares, and this is probably one of the reasons why I dress like I do. Everyone has faults, and I suppose being a bit of a tease is one of mine. I can't help it. Well, heh…I could. I just don't want to.

These thoughts bring me to the school, and I do a four wheel drift as I slide into my normal spot under the shade of a tree. Someone had once made a mistake of taking my spot. They just happened to be a duelist, and in my fury I challenged them to a duel. Let's just say they won't be taking my spot again, and neither will anyone else who had heard of that little incident.

My first class is algebra, which I loathe with a passion. Most of the time I don't bother even pretending that I'm trying, because really, what's the point? No one interesting is in this class, so I just stare off into space and try not to think of the blonde haired boy who seems to keep infiltrating my thoughts. I don't want to think about him, yet I can do nothing else. I don't want see him, yet it seems that he's everywhere in the halls. It's like everything is against me. I try to keep my self pity to a minimum, but it really doesn't work. And seeing him with that…that…_girl_…just makes me cringe and doubt my sanity even more. How could I have let something like this happen? That is the question that I cannot stop asking myself, the question that runs through my mind every hour of every day. I'm sure he never even thinks of me, and if he does, it's just in passing. There is definitely no way he can think about me as much as I think about him. Sometimes I wonder if my mind really _is_ unstable. Surely this can't be normal? There is absolutely no excuse for what I feel. I have somehow let him into my defenses, and I can't do anything about it.

By now, algebra is over and it's on to drama. This used to be my favorite class. Because I'm a drama queen, and I readily admit it. I enjoy acting, although I usually pick characters as similar to me as possible, which I consider cheating a bit. But hey, the teacher doesn't care and I can do what I want and still get a fairly good grade. You notice that I said drama _used_ to be my favorite class. That is because I now dread it, for the simple reason that Joseph Wheeler is in my class. Students of any age can be in drama, and that's how we came to be in the same class, although we're in different grades.

Today I'm slightly worried. Well, more than normal. Because today we're getting a new assignment, and I have a bad feeling about this. Mrs. Burke is getting more and more testy with me picking the same roles, and she mentioned last time that if I didn't pick something that was more of a stretch for me, my grade would take a turn down C or D valley. And I definitely couldn't afford that. I actually needed to pass high school, and if I was going to do that, I might as well have at least _one_ acceptable grade. Drama was my only hope.

I saunter into the classroom, trying to convince myself without avail that things would work out for the best. But I nearly lost my cool when I saw Joey sitting in the back of the room, looking sleepy as usual. His hair was falling over his face and I just wanted to brush those soft blonde locks away and kiss him to death. People shouldn't be allowed to look that good without even trying. I mean, I look good, but I try, and it takes me forever to get presentable. All Joey has to do is wake up and he looks sexy. I roll my eyes to myself to remind myself what I'm thinking about, and what my goal is here.

"People, people…sit down!" Our teacher says in her commanding voice as the bell rings and the last of the stragglers come in.

Usually we don't have a formal introduction like this; we just get to work. But like I said, today was a special day. It was the last big project of the year, and last chance to bring up my grade.

"Now, I know you've all been wondering what I'll pick for this project. And I'm sorry to say that unlike usual, you won't have any say in it. I want to see you put to use what you've learned all year and make a truly amazing product. First let me say that it won't be easy. I know you'll probably all hate me or love me depending on your partner…"

Partner. My ears perk up. That is in no way a good thing as I don't work well with partners. Either I end up terrorizing them or I end up with someone that I completely hate and can't stand. Which I'll admit, is a majority of the population. Uhoh, better tune back in…

"…And I want you to work outside of school with your partner. Alright, now just get to the project and partners, right?" She grinned, like she was enjoying torturing us. Teachers. They are twisted, twisted creatures.

"Okay. I'm going to have each pair perform an excerpt from one of Shakespeare's plays. Yes, you will all have different parts, and different plays. Don't complain and say that you don't _like _

what you've been assigned to, because that's too bad. A good actor should be able to work with whatever they've been given, and that is why I've chosen this. But that's not all. The catch is that the parts that I've chosen aren't just _any_ parts. They're _romantic_ parts." Mrs. Burke stops for effect, and the class gives it to her in the form of rustling, turning of heads, and murmured whisperings. What was she talking about?

"For example, Romeo and Juliet, any of the multiple pairs of lovers from A Midsummer Night's Dream, Ophelia and Hamlet, or any others that you may happen to get. You all see where this is going?"

Unfortunately, I do. I cringe and purse my lips. Who would I have the great pleasureof working with? Note the sarcasm.

"So I'm looking for the pairs to incorporate as much _emotion _as possible. You must convince me that you truly love the person you're acting with, because your characters will. Or, in some cases, one will love someone, but they will not love them back. Classic unrequited love. The pair that impresses me the most will receive the highest grade and then we'll go from there. Alright, now to the good part, the partners! And first let me say that I'm NOT, absolutely NOT changing ANY partners. There is reasoning behind who you are paired with. I have purposely tried not to pair boyfriends and girlfriends together."

A collective groan is heard from those who have boyfriends and girlfriends in the class. "But why?" One girl whined.

"Because then you won't have to try as hard as other pairings, and it wouldn't be fair. There are other reasons as well, but I'm not going to go into that. So don't complain. Now then." She consulted her list. "If you'll please be quiet until I'm done, then you can get with your partners. John and Katie: Pyramus and Thisbe; Corrine and Luke: Romeo and Juliet, Breanna and Danny…"

I zone out until I hear my name called. "Mai and Joey; Lysander and Hermia…" I practically jump out of my seat. And that' not in excitement. It's in shock. I have to work with Joey for what will be the deciding factor of my grade? And not to even start to talk about what the project involves! Little does the teacher know that I will once again be playing a part that suits me. Yet it will be extremely embarrassing. I can't just act automatically like I like him! But I want to do a good job, so I have to let some of myself show through, while keeping myself in check. I want to bang my head against the desk. This is going to be the toughest assignment yet.

I'm trying to work out how I'm going to survive through this when he comes over to my desk.

"Yo, Mai…guess we're partners…I know you're pissed at me for some reason, but can we at least get through dis project widout failing miserably? I need a decent grade…" He says, looking a bit on the pathetic side. I can't help but soften a bit, though I'm sure I don't even mean to.

"Fine Joey. I need a decent grade too." I say, putting on my curt face.

"Aww, come _on_ Mai, whad I eva do ta you? I was just your friend…if we're gonna do dis project togetha, can you just be nice ta me for once? Like ya used ta be?"

Jeez, now he sounded even more pathetic. I liked it.

I sigh. "Fine Joey." I repeat, but in a slightly softer tone.

He grins. "Good den. Ready to start working? I've got da scripts…" He dangles them in front of my face, all happy that I've decided to at least be somewhat nice to him. I guess he can't stand someone being mad at him, which is kind of cute.

"Stop that…" I say, though I'm smiling. I hope he doesn't see just how genuine that smile is, the smile that I smile only for him.

"You're gonna havta get dem from me…" He grins mischievously and takes off. The classroom has a wide open area for the stage, and is bigger than most classrooms. Even so, he doesn't get very far before he stumbles and trips over a desk.

"Nice job Wheeler, nice job." I tease sarcastically as he comes back to me like a wounded puppy that has failed to catch the Frisbee that was thrown for it.

He grumbles and sits on my desk. I immediately stiffen; he's so close…I could just reach out and touch him if I want. He smells so good. I pinch myself and stop myself mid-sniff. How weird am I? I mean, now I'm _smelling_ him? Like I said, not healthy.

"C'mon…let's see those lines…" I say, grabbing a script away from him and scanning for our parts. I inwardly groan and think 'shit' to myself. This is even worse than I thought.

"Jeez…she sure picked a mushy part for us…" Joey complained, voicing my opinions. "Well, for you. Heh." He says.

It was as if our teacher had guessed our relationship exactly. My character, Helena, is completely in love with Joey's character, Demetrius and he hates her. I'm not sure if Joey hates me, but he sure doesn't return my feelings. So my entire part consists of my character stalking and fawning over Joey's character. This is going to be very embarrassing. I sigh mentally and talk to keep my thoughts from getting too out of hand.

"Whatever. I want to do well Wheeler so you better do a good job or I'll be pissed…" I informed him.

"You already are, so what's da point?" Joey retorted.

I roll my eyes. "Very funny Joey." I say, accidentally calling him by his first name. I hadn't done that in a while. Since I've been trying to distance myself from him I find that if I call him by his last name, this does the trick. Except now I've just broken my rule. However, I don't even notice until he brings it up.

"Ya just called me Joey." He states, looking startled, yet not offended.

I start up, yet then realize there's no reason for me to get worked up. "Yeah, so?" I ask, maintaining my cool.

"Ya haven't called me dat for a while…" He shrugs. "I'm just sayin'."

"Well just say nothing. Let's read these lines." I say, steering him away from the subject. "Let's see…I'm Helena…" I skimmed the lines, yet I couldn't bring myself to read them. She sounded so desperate, just like I was. I couldn't voice these words that were so much like what I was feeling inside. Well, to some extent as even I am not this dramatic. I glare at the piece of paper, wanting to give it as much misery as it is already causing me.

Our teacher comes over, to see our progress, and to make sure we're on task. Like we need to be watched over like kindergartners. Although it's true that we have gotten absolutely nowhere.

"Miss Valentine, Mr. Wheeler? How far have you gotten?" She asks sternly.

"Um…" Joey scratches the back of his blonde head oh-so-cutely. I want to run my fingers through that thick, soft looking hair of his. I catch myself mid-sigh and look up into the staring face of Mrs. Burke.

"Um…" I echo Joey.

"I'm watching you two. I know both of you have potential if you can pull it together enough for this project. Otherwise your grades will suffer." She informs us and walks away, seeming satisfied with herself.

"Fuck." I mutter under my breath.

"Ditto." Joey says, sighing. "Guess we'd better get to work." For once I agree with him. I pull out my script again. "You start first." I tell him. In the scene that we're doing, Helena is chasing Demetrius - can you say stalker? – and he is telling her to get lost.

"Right." Joey pulls out his already crumpled script and starts reading.

((A/N: Okay, I got this idea for this whole thing when I was in school and we were doing Shakespeare…I'm not a complete dork. For those of you that don't know the play, Helena loves Demetrius, who hates her and loves Hermia. That's basically all you need to know for the fic.))

"Do I entice ya? Do I speak ya fair?

Or, ratha', do I not in plainest truth

Tell ya, I do not, nor I cannot love ya?"

I'm spacing out again, liking to just listen to Joey's Brooklyn accent. It's actually rather funny: his accent trying to read Shakespeare. Doesn't quite mix.

"Yo, Mai?" He waves his hand in front of my face.

"Huh? Oh, sorry." I guess that means I'm supposed to be reading.

"And even for that do I love you the more.

I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius,

The more you beat me, I will fawn on you:

Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me…"

I stop. "This lady is on crack." I say simply, refusing to read anymore. Talk about uncomfortable situation. "She wants to be treated like a dog?" I don't understand this, being the independent woman I am, yet for Joey, I think I would do anything. Is that the meaning of love, or just the meaning of being a stalker? Because Helena sure seems like a stalker to me. Do I seem that way to Joey? Well, he doesn't know I like him but –

"Mai? Yo, you're spacin' out again." Joey sticks his face in front of mine, blinking. I jump back in surprise.

"Goddammit Joey!" I try not to shriek. Shrieking is very un-Mai-like.

"You're gonna have ta read dat sometime." Joey tells me, like I don't already _know_ that.

"Yes, Joey." I say exasperatedly. "I do realize that." I take a deep breath and start from where I left off. It doesn't matter the emotion I say it in yet, really. We're just familiarizing ourselves with the lines.

"Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,

Unworthy as I am, to follow you.

What worser place can I beg in your love,--

And yet a place of high respect with me,--

Than to be used as you use your dog?"

"What the-" I'm just about to make an inappropriate comment involving the fact that I think Helena is a bitch – hey she wants to be a dog, right? – but then the bell rings. We haven't gotten much done. I turn to Joey.

"Well, guess we're gonna have ta work on dis after school…don't want ta leave it til last minute like da last time.." Joey says.

"Yeah." I nod, unsure of what to say next. "I'll pick you up after school and we can go to my place." I say, not sure how I managed to get through inviting Joey over without having some kind of nervous breakdown.

"Okay. See ya den!" Joey says brightly, gathering his few books and shuffling off to his next class.

I watch him leave, and wonder how I am going to get through the next week alive.

* * *

It's three o'clock…where is that damn boy?

I'm waiting in my car at the entrance to the school, tapping my foot. School lets out at 2:30 and I've been waiting here for at least twenty minutes. What could possibly have happened? He better have a damn good excuse, that's all I'm saying. I'm just about to leave when I see a ruffled blonde head come out of the building. Why is he not running towards the car trying to apologize for making me wait?

When he finally makes his way to my car, I huff and roll my eyes at him.

"So, where have you been, Wheeler?" I say. "Get in." I nod to the other seat and look up at him. Surprisingly he hasn't said anything, and doesn't look quite…normal. Did something really happen?

"So, Wheeler, got any explanation for me?" I pry further as he gets in and I start speeding off down the street. He just looks at me.

"My girlfriend and I broke up." He said simply, looking a little embarrassed.

"Oh, that's too bad." I say, without much sympathy. I'm sorry, but inside I was rejoicing, and that was all I could manage. This meant that Joey was single! Though I shouldn't be getting all happy about it, because hadn't I already decided that we weren't supposed to be together? But when had that ridiculous thought entered my mind? I'm Mai Valentine; I can get (mostly) any guy I want! And that includes Joey Wheeler, if I want him. Oh, and I definitely want him.

Luckily Joey is lost in his own thoughts as well, so he doesn't notice my silence. And I didn't want to seem nosy, but I desperately wanted to know _why_ they had broken up. How could she not want Joey? Or was it that Joey didn't want her? That would be even better.

"You know…if you don't want to practice today we don't have to…" I say, wondering why this is coming out of my mouth. I'm giving Joey an easy out to leave me! I don't know what I want. Do I want to not see him anymore, or do I want to try and make him like me? I just don't know. And what is this, sympathy that I'm displaying? I've been through many breakups, but none of them really stung that much. Mostly I date because I don't like being alone, and usually the sex is good. I have to admit, sometimes I feel like I'm using the guys I casually date, but what can I do? It's in my nature. Besides, it's not like I would use Joey that way. He's different. At least that's what I keep telling myself. But he is different from the other guys I date, because he still seems innocent, even though he's been on the streets, and into fights, he still seems playful and cute, not to mention that he makes me feel different too. I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe he will feel the same for me in time. So why am I telling him he can leave? I should be keeping him hostage. No, that wouldn't be right…still…

Joey looks at me now, and I see in his eyes that he's surprised. "Thanks, Mai." He says, and I can tell that he's sincere. "But I'm really not sad aboudit, more just…I dunno." He shrugs.

Not sad? This is music to my ears.

"Not sad?" I repeat my thoughts aloud for once.

"Well, we weren't meant for each other." He says, and I can see a blush threatening to rise on those soft cheeks. "She had her own agenda, and didn't have time for me. Plus, we didn't really…click." He shrugs again and looks out the window.

"Hmm…" I simply say. "So, still looking for the right girl, huh?" I shake my head teasingly.

"Yeah." He says, somewhat wistfully. Oh, how I hope that I'm that right girl he's looking for. But I couldn't stay on this subject much longer without embarrassing myself, so I change the subject.

"So, Wheeler, what do you think about your sister dating Kaiba?" I ask with a grin, knowing this will surely get him riled up.

He immediately tenses, just as predicted. "I hate it, that bastard shouldn't be anywhere near Serenity. I don't want him touching her…" He shudders, and I almost feel bad for him. It must be hard to accept. That your sister is dating your biggest rival, someone who has humiliated you and put you down for years.

I nod sympathetically. "Well, I'd get used to it. She seems pretty attached to him."

"I know! Dat's the problem! I'm gonna go over der after dis and give him a piece o' my mind…" Joey says, punching his fist in the air in a cute way, though he doesn't realize it. I smirk.

"You do that Joey," I smile and he turns to look at me, our shining eyes meeting. In that moment, I feel something shift. Joey blushes and looks away from my eyes. I consider this, puzzled. Why would he blush? Could he possibly…like me…? No, he just broke up with his girlfriend! Though maybe there was another reason that he didn't tell me…Yes! That must be it! No, I shouldn't jump to conclusions...Dammit. I'm having another internal argument with myself. Luckily, we've arrived at my apartment, and I get out. I try and think if I left anything potentially embarrassing out in my apartment. This morning when I left the house I certainly wasn't thinking that I would have Joey over.

He gets out of the car and follows me. "So dis is where you live now! I remember your old apartment, but you moved?" He asks, not able to keep quiet for longer than five minutes.

"Yeah. My old rent was getting too high." I explain, getting out my key and letting myself in. I immediately drop my few books on the sofa and make a beeline for the kitchen. "Want anything to eat?" I call as I hear Joey drop besides my things on the sofa. Then I remember that this is Joey I'm talking to. Of course he wants something to eat.

"Yeah, I'll take whatever you've got." He says predictably, and I don't even bother holding back my smile.

"Alright." I call back, getting out some drinks and putting a frozen pizza in the oven. I'm not a big cooker, and just like to have easy stuff around. It's kind of pathetic, but it's the way I live, and I don't mind it too much. I come back into the living room and hand Joey a Coke, hoping he won't get too hyper off the fizzy sugarness.

He chugs it almost in one gulp, and burps loudly. I have to admit, that is not one of his more endearing qualities.

"Joey…that's gross…" I inform him, wrinkling my nose and sitting on the floor opposite the small table in front of my couch. He shrugs, nonplussed.

"Whatever. So let's get to work." He says, and we start practicing.

* * *

A couple hours later, we're feeling like we're done with work for the day. I'm sitting with my back leaning on the couch and Joey is sprawled across the couch. The mood is comfortable, and I love it.

"So, want me to take you home Joey?" I ask, glancing up at him.

"Sure," He shrugs with a grin. "Well, that wasn't too bad. We made progress." He says and I nod.

"Yep. Hopefully we'll get a good grade." I say, smiling as well. "C'mon, let's go." I say, getting up. He groans and doesn't move.

"Glued to my couch?" I ask with a grin.

"Its so comfy…" Joey seems literally sunken into it. He reaches up a hand into the air. I wonder what he wants me to do with it, and then I realize with a blush what he means. I take his hand and pull him up, an electric spark running throughout my body. I wonder if he feels it too. But I can't hold on for too long, and drop his hand with a blush when he sits up.

"Thanks, Mai." He says, and I get another shiver hearing him say my name. I never liked my name so much as when he says it. How have I fallen so far, so fast? I don't understand it, but I guess emotions aren't meant to be understood. Especially love. If that is what this really is. Is it love? Or is it just an infatuation? I don't like to call it that because that just sounds…like a stalker. I'm not a stalker.

"Whatever, Joey." I say, rolling my eyes as if it's nothing. But its not. It's everything. That touch was everything to me. And now that I have felt it, I want more. Joey's like a drug, once you try it, you can't stay away.

* * *

An hour later, I'm back at my apartment, alone with my thoughts of Joey. He's so perfect. No, actually that's not quite right as his faults and quirks are what make him so adorable. I still don't understand my attraction to him; after all, shouldn't a bad girl like me be attracted to another bad boy, maybe a tattoo artist or something? I laugh at the thought. But opposites attract, and Joey is just what I need to keep me grounded.

I have come to the decision that I'm not going to avoid Joey anymore. I can't do it. Not only that, but I don't want to. Why should I deprive myself of the one (okay maybe not the only) thing that makes me happy? I can have fun, and I should have a chance at love too. Maybe I'll even stop dressing like I do and leave my body for Joey to see only.

Okay, maybe not.

I mean, we're not even a couple yet, and I'm thinking about saving my body only for him? And I shouldn't even get my hopes up about that. I can be friends with Joey, but if nothing more happens from it, I should still be happy because I get to be around him. Somehow I know that that won't be enough though. Hopefully it'll be enough for now.

* * *

That night, I'm getting ready to crash when I hear a knock at my window. It could only be one person.

"Dammit Bakura, can't you come in the door like normal people?" I growl, pulling aside the curtains. "Oh wait, I forgot, you're not normal."

"Damn right I'm not. I'm a psycho 5000-year old tomb robber, remember?" He seems proud of this for some reason.

"You're twisted." I inform him. "Now what do you want?" I demand.

"You know what I want. I'm going crazy. I can't sleep in the same house as him anymore! I just want to jump on him and-"

Now that was going too far. I definitely did NOT want to hear about Bakura raping Ryou, so I slapped a hand over his mouth.

"I don't want to know." I simply say.

"Fine. But are you going to let me in or not?"

"Um…let's see…NO." I cross my arms.

"Why not?" He glares at me, not looking too happy. Well that's just too damn bad. He can sit on that fire escape all night for all I care.

"Because. Why should I help you with your messed up love life? You're not doing anything for me." Is this selfish? Yes. Do I care? No.

"Bitch." He mutters.

"I don't think that's going to help your situation." I tell him.

"I'll just keep coming back every night until you at least try to help me. Can't you take pity on me? It's pathetic that I even have to say this, and I hate it. But I can't live with myself anymore." He seems to lose some of his Bakura-hardness for a moment, but then it comes right back, with his dark eyes flashing at me. Though in that moment I can't help pitying him.

"Fine. I'll ask. But next time you better have something for me." I say. Anything to get him away from here and let me go to sleep.

"How the hell am I supposed to know what you want?"

"Think. I know you're capable of it." I smirk before I close the window and he leaves.

* * *

A couple days and early morning (when I say early morning I mean two or three am) visits from Bakura later, I'm sitting at my desk actually doing some homework for once when I hear the phone ring.

"Yo, it's Mai." I say, wondering who it is.

"Hi Mai, its Serenity!" I hear the cheerful voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hey hun." I say. Her voice brings a smile to my face. I guess you could call her my best friend. I'm glad to have her throughout all this. Even though she is Joey's sister and I feel like I can't talk to her about it. Maybe I should talk to her. I'd feel better.

"I just called about the concert! It's tomorrow." She says excitedly. I had completely forgotten about the concert in which I was going to see my new found idol.

"Oh yeah!" My voice holds the same enthusiasm as hers. "Want me to pick you up before the show?"

"Um…yeah, if you could…" She sounds embarrassed.

"Don't worry, Ren." I say, using my pet name for her. I rarely use it, even though I think it's pretty cute. I wonder vaguely if Kaiba has a pet name for her. Actually, I don't really want to know. "I'll pick you up at six, is that ok?"

"Yeah, that's good." She says.

"Oh yeah, and Serenity?" I start. I figure if I'm going to tell her about my liking Joey, it would be better to do over the phone. Then she can't see my embarrassed face. I'm very…particular about showing emotions in public. It's like if I laugh too much, blush, or get embarrassed, I'm letting the world see inside myself. And that's private. I don't like people who lay their emotions out on their sleeve, yet I also admire them.

They're so comfortable with themselves that they don't mind others seeing them cry. Sometimes I wish I was the same, although I know this is a false hope. Besides, I don't mind so much who I am. Sometimes I hate myself, but there are also times when I really like myself, and wouldn't want to be another person, just because I enjoy being me so much. And that's a good feeling.

"Mai?" She jolts me out of my thoughts. I really have to stop this habit of zoning out on people.

"Sorry. Um…I really like your brother." I say, cringing at how that sounds out loud.

There's a moment of silence, and for a moment I think she may have fainted from shock. But then her voice comes through. "That's all? I've known that since…well a long time." She says with a tinkling laugh.

Now it's my turn to be shocked. "Are you serious? Is it that obvious?" I can't keep my voice from sounding flabbergasted, because well…I am.

"Yes I'm serious, and no it's not too obvious. But he is my brother, and you're my best friend. And I'm observant." I can hear her smile through the phone. "Being quiet in school has its benefits. I notice things."

"Wow, Serenity." Is all I can say. But I'm glad that she knew. It makes my job so much easier. I sigh, so glad to have her at the moment that I want to hug her. "Thanks. And don't tell him, please." I say, though I know she wouldn't.

"I know, I know." She assures me. "Hey, I heard he was over there today…so you're not avoiding him anymore?"

"God, did you know about that too? I guess there's just no hiding anything from you. And no I'm not avoiding him anymore. It's pointless."

"Yeah, it is." She agrees.

I'm feeling a lot better, when I suddenly realize something. "Hey, Serenity." I say, unintentionally sitting up on my couch. "Do you know anything about Ryou Bakura?" I ask, mentally patting myself on the back for even giving the tomb robber a second thought. He should congratulate me for even remembering to bring it up.

"Yeah, I study with him in the library sometimes. He's in the same advanced classes as me. Why?"

Hm…that's interesting. I don't know if Bakura wants me to get Serenity involved, but it's too late now. I've found my way to make him stop coming at ungodly hours. And I'm going to grab it.

"Any chance he'd talk to you about his love life…say maybe who he's interested in?" I ask, already setting my scheme into motion.

"Mai…" She starts slowly. "I thought you just said you liked my brother. Why do you care about Ryou?" She sounds confused.

"No, no it's not like that at all!" I laugh at the thought. "Ryou's definitely not my type." Though he doesn't seem like Bakura's type either, but hey. I'm not the expert on 5000-year old gay tomb robbers that have fetishes for leather. And apparently innocent looking boys with long white hair. Actually, Bakura probably has a lot of other fetishes, but I really don't want to know about those right now.

"Um, Mai…are you planning on telling me what this is about then?" Serenity says patiently.

"Sorry. Well. Bakura has been…visiting me lately asking me to help him because he's in love with Ryou and doesn't know how to tell him." I start laughing as soon as I say this. It is pretty hilarious, I've got to admit. I mean, Bakura has no problems killing people if they're in his way, yet he can't tell little, innocent Ryou how he feels? I snort again.

"Really?" Serenity says after a moment of what I'm sure is shocked silence. "That's…odd."

"That's an understatement." I say, still laughing. "Men are pathetic."

Serenity giggles. "Yeah. Seto is actually pretty pathetic too, under that hard exterior. It's kind of cute actually." She giggles again and I think of Joey. He's pathetic too, but in a cute way that I like. I can't see how Kaiba would be cute, but whatever. I don't really want to get into Serenity and Seto's relationship. Seems pretty twisted to me. But I really shouldn't be talking. Mai Valentine and Joey Wheeler? What a twisted couple that'd be.

"Well, do you want me to ask me what he thinks of Bakura then?" She asks when she finally stops giggling.

"If you can do it discreetly. I really don't want Bakura to come in during the middle of the night and send me to the Shadow Realm because he's pissed at me or something." Because that'd be just like him.

"I'll try. I'll see him tomorrow because we both have a study hall and so we go to the library to do Pre-calculus homework."

"Shit, you're in Pre-calc?" I always knew she was smart, but she's only a Junior! Usually only the smart Seniors take that.

"Yeah." I can feel her blush through the phone. "Anyway, I have to go, Joey just got here. But I'll try and remember, kay? And do you want me to do a bit of asking with Joey too?" There is a definite smirk to her voice.

"NO!" I yell at the phone, waving my arms even though she can't see them. "Absolutely not! Don't even joke about that!"

"Wow. I was just joking." She sounds truly surprised. Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have made such a big deal about it. Now she'll know just how much I really like Joey.

"I'll talk to you later. Bye." I say quickly before hanging up. I really need to be more careful.

* * *

A/N: Well? So what'd you think? I'm actually quite proud of this chapter…I'm beginning to like my writing more and more when I re-read it, which I guess is a good sign for a writer! Yay me…and I think its one of (if not the) longest chapters I've written! I hope to get lots of nice, juicy reviews…they make me so happy! So please review…-big teary eyes- and I'll love you forever! Well…lets not get carried away. Sorry for the long wait. See you next time! 


	5. Leaving

A/N: So I'm coming back to this story after quite a few years (years!) and I figured I might as well just finish it up. I don't like leaving things unfinished. After rereading it, I see how immature my writing was and how many discontinuities there were in this story. As in…who has their own apartment in high school?...among others. There's so much I would change about this story, but at this point that's too big of a project. So I'm just going to try and pick up where I left off, and I apologize if I unwittingly create more discontinuities. I'm a much happier person than when I started writing this, and I think that's probably apparent in this chapter. Hopefully it doesn't seem too choppy. Enjoy!

* * *

**I Have Feelings Too **

Chapter 5: Leaving

A phone call roused me this time; while the dinging noise was a bit easier to ignore than Bakura's body hastening through the window, I didn't appreciate my slumber being disturbed so often. The fact that this was becoming a regular thing was quite irritating. Oh well, better answer it.

"Is this Mai…Valentine?" The serious voice on the other end hesitated, as callers do when they are calling a stranger.

"Yes." I said curtly, getting ready to launch into a rampage about waking people. Who calls at 8 am on a Sunday anyway? But before I could say anything, the voice on the other end interrupted my thoughts.

"Wonderful. It is your lucky day." The voice was so incredibly monotonous I was almost sure that it was a recording. Great. I had been woken up on Sunday by a _robot. _Life could not get much better, surely. My finger was on the 'end' button when the voice coughed, revealing their true identity as a flesh and blood human, albeit most likely an incredibly boring one.

"We had a girl get sick and you were next on the list. We are aware that this is short notice, but your flight is already booked to Los Angeles tomorrow. Please report to our office to get your itinerary in order." The voice spoke in a tone that commanded attention and was impossible to interrupt with my questions. When he took a breath, I swooped.

"Wait, wait, wait. Woah. What the hell is this about?" I asked, in a voice missing much of its usual demanding nature, seeing as how it was still the wee hours of the morning (for me). I was also extremely confused. Was this some kind of scam? Would not be surprised. People these days. They'll do anything to get your money.

"The audition. Last week. You were not initially chosen to sign with and represent the label, but as I said, a girl has gotten very sick and needs to forfeit her spot. You were next on our list."

Oh my god. I had been so caught up –okay well, _obsessed _– with thinking about this Joey problem that I had completely forgotten all about that day and how good it had felt. Doing something for myself, just for me. Wait – what had he said? L.A.? My mind started racing and barely listened through the rest of the conversation as details about where to obtain more details were told to me.

I hung up the phone as soon as the voice stopped. Turns out that this gig was a bigger deal than I thought it was. That silly bimbo Hilary I had had the misfortune to meet that day was wrong though – what I had auditioned for was not a recording contract. It was an audition to an audition. Apparently we were all shipping off to Los Angeles to participate in a longer second round during which we would receive training, sing in groups, narrow down our style and then the pool would be cut down to a few finalists who would come back after a week break.

Well, this definitely was a turn for the interesting.

Apparently my parents weren't the only ones that thought I could sing. That was nice to know. As crazy as they were, they got one thing right.

There was no question about whether to go or not, after all, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

All of a sudden, I was filled with energy. It was like life had been breathed back into me. After all the stress of the past few weeks, between my own worries about Joey and not getting enough sleep because of Bakura, I had been definitely sub-par Mai.

I stretched and swung my legs over the side of my bed, letting my feet touch the fuzzy carpet on my floor. I smiled to myself.

"Hey Mai, look at that. You rock." I laughed at how utterly ridiculous I sounded, but it was okay. I showered and started putting on my face. I could never go anywhere without my makeup, it was like clothing to me; I was naked without it. Serenity had told me countless times that I didn't need it, that I had a natural beauty, but I wasn't like her, with flawless skin and hair. Gel, foundation, eye liner and mascara were my best friends, near and dear to my face. I spritzed on some perfume, grabbed my purse and sauntered out the door. Today was going to be great.

I was locking the door to my apartment when I stopped short with a realization. I had not thought once about Joey this morning. I was too filled with excitement for myself that I had not even thought of him. What was going to happen to us now?

As soon as I thought that I immediately raised my eyebrows at myself. Us? There was no us, and things would not be any different when I would return from L.A. after the first round of recording.

If only I knew how wrong I was and that upon my return, everything would be different.

* * *

"Serenity!" I was speeding down the highway towards Kaiba's house. Yes, he lived outside of the city; couldn't be bothered to deal with us normal, poor kids on an everyday basis. His house had grounds.

"What's up Mai? You sound weird – good! But weird." Serenity said matter of factly.

"I'm on my way to you, hun." I said, smiling, loving the feeling of the wind in my hair as I drove.

"Well, you know…I'm at Seto's…remember I told you last night?" Serenity said a bit timidly. She knew I didn't really love the fact that they were together, and always said his name a bit sheepishly. In that moment, I felt inexplicably guilty. Why did she feel that she had to mention her own boyfriend's name in such a way? What kind of friend was I?

"I know Ren, that's where I'm going, silly!" I said, laughing.

"Mai…? Are you okay…?" She asked, worried now. Of course I would never willingly put myself in the same zip code as Kaiba, and I could only imagine what she was thinking right now. She probably assumed I was under the influence of something, which in the old days would probably be a good guess. But lately I had been clean, and today I was high on achievement.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Got something to tell you! Get dressed, since I'm sure you're not now! I'll be there in ten." And I hung up.

When I got to Kaiba's, Serenity was standing on the steps waiting for me. She looked so small on those menacing stone stairs; she was surely the only spot of life in this place. It looked so cold, so heartless, just like the man that owned it. Who was surprisingly absent from the picture…usually when I saw the two together, Kaiba had one of his long arms protectively wrapped around Serenity's slender waist, as if he was reminding me that she belonged to him, no matter if I liked it or not. But right now he was decidedly missing.

I pulled up and jumped out. "Hey!" I gathered her small form in a hug, quite uncharacteristic of me, and in any other circumstances, I would have felt disgusted with myself. But lately I was feeling much more comfortable with Serenity, and today was a day for new beginnings.

Serenity returned my hug, but then looked questioningly at me. Then, slowly, a smile crept onto her soft features. "Wait…did you finally talk to my brother?" She broke into a grin. "Oh my god Mai, are you together! I'm so happy for you!" She squealed, jumping up and down like she was on a pogo stick.

I looked at her, amused. "Nope."

Her eyes narrowed questioningly. "Then…?"

"Well, I never told you, but about a week ago I auditioned for this record company – spur of the moment thing." I waved my hand to her sputters. "Apparently some chick got sick 'cause now I get to go out to Los Angeles for a few months. How can they not love this?" I winked at her, gesturing to myself.

"Mai, that's wonderful!" Serenity gasped, in her genuine way. "Well, do you want to come in? I told Seto to wait inside because I thought you might want some privacy…I didn't know what it was about." She said.

'That's sweet…' I thought to myself, reminding myself of how lucky I was to have Serenity as a friend.

"Well, you know how much I'd _love_ to hang out with Kaiba, but I got stuff to do." I grinned. "I'm sure you can take care of him." I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"Stop!" Serenity squeaked, blushing.

"Later!" I waved as I hopped back into my car and sped off. Now that Serenity knows, what now? Do I tell Joey?

Like a dark cloud on a day of sunshine, Joey's face slid into my consciousness. Shit. Imagined Joey smirked, and I groaned to myself. Why does he always have to complicate things with is ridiculous, unintended charm?

I stopped at a park on the way back to my apartment. I needed a smoke. I quit about a month ago after Serenity shoved cancer packets in my face every waking hour of the day for about two months. But circumstances called for one of my trusty clove cigars, flavored and delicious.

I sat on a park table and brooded. I would miss the punk. Of course that was no reason not to go…but should I at least tell him? The way I'd been treating him lately, he'd probably welcome my departure. But I should tell him; after all, I was skipping out on our Shakespeare project to go across the country. I owed him an explanation. Yes Mai, you justify going over there just so you can see his blonde mop one more time. Justify away.

Ten minutes later, I'm standing on Joey's doorstep. He has an apartment in a more unsavory part of the city, which probably accounts for all the fights that he gets in.

"Wasssup?" I hear from inside, since I had only knocked, not said who I was. I waited, not saying anything. I had seen his surprised face enough to know that it was adorable, and I wanted to see it. So what's a little bit of manipulation?

The door swung open. There was that look. Brow furrowed and twisted to the side a bit, eyes questioning, lip half bitten. Yep, that was the look.

"I'm going to Los Angeles." I said it, just like that. No use beating around the bush.

"Wait…wha?" He scratched his head; he was clearly just woken up by my abrupt knock.

"Los. Angeles." I stated again. "That polluted city where celebrities like to congregate like locusts." I informed him. "Maybe you haven't heard of it." I said a bit snidely.

"I have, Mai, who do ya thin' I am?" He said, crossing his arms as he stood on the threshold.

"Okay, just thought you should know. Sorry about the project. Guess you'll have to find someone else." I said, and turned to go.

"Wai'…" He said, looking a little confused. "Jus' like dat? Why?"

"I got offered a chance to audition for a recording contract. So I'm gonna go try." I said, wondering where this was going.

"Oh." He bit his lip. "Well I know ya's been mad or somedin' lately, but I'll miss ya." He said in that adorable way of his. I had been so preoccupied this morning that I hadn't thought of him much, but now I was second guessing myself. Was that timidity in his voice? Hesitation? Why couldn't I just close the few feet between us and ask him to come with me? It'd be great, just the two of us; maybe I could finally get over this odd trepidation I always had when dealing with this silly little puppy.

Of course I couldn't do that. If he didn't return my feelings, it would mean disaster. I still had to come back after a few months, which isn't that long. I couldn't risk putting my reputation on the line, especially now that I had a potential recording contract to add to it. Yes, my superficial image was more important to me than my own happiness. I convinced myself that if I constructed someone that everyone respected and admired, then my own self-image would follow. I was so naïve, and so blind that I didn't realize pure happiness doesn't come that way. But I didn't cross the threshold, and just stood there looking at him, raising my eyebrows.

"Ok. Well, see you later." I said, mentally kicking myself. Shit, shit, shit. Ugh…so stupid. I sauntered away, acting confident to – to show what? I didn't even know. It was just what I did at that point. I had an image, and I upheld it no matter what. I had to make sure I kept up with that in L.A., where image is everything.

And that was that. I said goodbye to the two people I cared about in that town, went to my apartment, packed my bags, and proceeded to get lost in my thoughts for the rest of the night.

The phone rang. The only person who ever called me was Serenity so I didn't really need caller ID.

"Ren?" I answered.

"Mai! Are you okay? Joey said you were weird when you told him you were leaving." Serenity rushed out.

"I'm fine! You kidding, I'm excited." I told her. The night had been a jumble of excitement and regret that I hadn't had the courage to say something to Joey during that brief exchange.

"Why don't you just tell him?" Serenity asked, clearly exasperated with my antics. "Why do you always act so rude to him, jeez, you're just pushing him away."

Hm. That was interesting. Maybe if I pushed him away, I would fall out of love with him, and this would be over.

"Good idea, Ren." I said, though I knew she would probably have a fit over those words.

"Mai! That's not what I want you to do! He might return your feelings, you never know!" She said.

"He doesn't. Besides, can you honestly see us together? I mean, how would that look? We just don't fit." I said, trying to believe the words that I was saying.

"Mai, you really need to stop thinking about your stupid reputation and start thinking about your life for once." She sounded extremely serious as she said this. "Have a safe trip." She said quietly, and hung up, leaving me with more questions than I had before.

I really was that screwed up, wasn't I. Inside, I felt like a blubbering mess, confused about what I wanted, hopelessly attracted to a chaotic, disheveled boy and unsure about what to do about said situation. To compensate for my writhing mass of indecisive insides, I maintained a hard exterior. No one could know about what I was really like inside. I sighed. Sometimes it got tiring. With that, I flopped back on my bed and fell into a deep sleep.

Only to be interrupted by that irritation of a tomb robber a few hours later.

"Really Bakura, this needs to stop. Actually, it is going to stop. I am leaving tomorrow." I informed him after he had climbed into the window without so much of a knock.

Bakura looked like he was mid freak-out when I laid the news on him. "Um. What." He said, blinking.

"I. Am leaving." I told him again firmly.

"Who is going to resolve my problem?" He demanded angrily.

"Bakura, the world does not revolve around you, as much as you might think that it does. I am going to have a life, and you are going to resolve your romantic issues on your own. Now I have to get my beauty rest." I flicked my hair over my shoulder and pointed to the window.

"But-" He protested, not budging. "It's gotten so bad, Mai!" He whined, very un-Bakura. My interest was piqued.

"Ugh…" I sighed. "As long as you got me up, fine." I sat on the end of my bed as he slouched against my vanity table.

"I just don't know what to do," He said in a mutter.

"Welcome to the club." I matched his tone, thinking of how ironic it was that Bakura was begging me for help in the middle of the night when I was such a mess that I couldn't even fix my own problems, and was literally running away from them.

"What?" He looked up, brushing a piece of his devoid of color hair from his face.

"You know Bakura, your hair is a blank canvas. You could do so much with it, the color would just fuse perfectly." I told him, diverting the subject.

"You're telling me to dye my hair. Wow, that is just so helpful. Thank you." His voice dripped with sarcasm. I rolled my eyes in retaliation.

"I'm just saying." I shrugged. "You don't think this brilliant blonde is natural, do you? A girl needs some help. Beauty is hard work." I puffed myself up a bit. Why couldn't I feel this confident with Joey? I was feeling so good right now, I could probably seduce Bakura into sleeping with me if I wanted, despite his apparent romantic tendencies. Of course that's not what I wanted, but the ability was there.

"Not helping!" He screeched at me.

"Maybe you just need to put more work into your relationship with the little twerp." I said, unperturbed by his outburst. "I put work into myself, and look at my gorgeous self." I said simply.

"What do you mean more work? I see him 24/7." He replied, confused. It was a ridiculous look on him, not nearly adorable as Joey's confused look.

"Pay attention to him. Do something nice. I don't know, all that romantic shit." I said, wondering how he was so dense. I wasn't romantic, but my womanly intuition knew what you were supposed to do in a relationship, despite the fact that I had never been in a functional one.

He sat there, mulling my words over. Apparently I had said something that made sense. "Great, problem solved. Out you go!" I started to usher him to the window.

"Okay, I'll try it. But what if it doesn't work?" He asked.

"Ra, you are so needy Bakura. Figure it out, I don't know. Now out." I practically shoved him out the window. At this point my eyelids were beginning to droop and the last thing I needed was to travel tired tomorrow. That was the worst. Too many tournaments ended badly in my early dueling career because I was too stupid to get some rest beforehand.

He climbed out the window without a word, clearly lost deeply in thought. His trenchcoat disappeared through my purple curtains silently, and I laughed a bit to myself. Look at the two of us. The tough guys, supposedly. And our respective interests make us babbling, helpless lumps. I shook my head and flopped back into bed, my mind filled of images of Joey and I together.

I didn't sleep again that night.

* * *

A/N: Please review! Let me know your thoughts. There'll be maybe one or two more chapters, now that I have things planned out again and know the direction of this story. I didn't edit this too much, just typed it up during moments of inspiration so please call my attention to anything that didn't work. Thank you!


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